There was a time when I was prepared to commit myself to a life in the Anglican Church as a priest. A significant reason for my withdrawal was their position on homosexuality; as a bisexual I could not commit myself to a “don’t ask don’t tell” life where I had to hide my love for my girlfriend.
I drifted away from the Church, though I have still attended at times, and have always found myself moved by the liturgy, by the music, by the Eucharist, and have missed it when I have not been there. However, the feeling of being a second-class citizen, rejected, has stopped me from being able to feel like I could ever commit when it is like this.
I hope that things will change. But today, I had to face the undeniable fact that the Church rejects me, even though it was happy to take me as an employee. I am engaged to marry, and today a friend had to tell me that she was not permitted to bless our union in public. She could only do it privately with immediate family, away from prying eyes, hidden.
Why is it such a crime for two women of faith to sing hymns as they declare their love and promises to one another? To acknowledge out loud that the God of Love is present? Why is it illegal for us to read aloud from the Bible?!
I am saddened that a body I have previously called my home is somehow ashamed of me. That it is illegal for me to wear the ring I’ve worn for years when we marry because it has crosses on it.
However, I’m still excited to get married. I know that God can see our love, and that we’re going to have a great day and life together. It’s going to be awesome.
God bless our union.
1 John 4:7-8, 16b, 20-end
Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love… God is love, and those who abide in love abide in God, and God abides in them… Those who say, ‘I love God’, and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also.